My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
