My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
