i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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