Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
