@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
