i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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