I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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