I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize