I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
me + whiskey = a bad person
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
