u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
