ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
