Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
