Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
