Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
