Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
