i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
