i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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