I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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