My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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