i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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