The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
