Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
