Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize