WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
And the cops told us we were all naked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.