ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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