Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize