You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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