I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
