I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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