just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
