So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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