i just had sex bonerless
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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