Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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