And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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