remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
