No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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