Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
