no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
