There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
