Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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