i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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