I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Randomize
