I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
