you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
