I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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