oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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