If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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