You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no you cant smoke seaweed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
