You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize