I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
