i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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