she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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