I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Houston, we have a squirter
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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