6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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