idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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