all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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