You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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