I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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