I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
