Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
