Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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