I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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