Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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