No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
