I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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