Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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