I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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