i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
