R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
