that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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