I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
