I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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