I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
