God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
