farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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