thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
