I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
