Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
