My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Barsexuality is the new black.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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